Weekends OFF!

Time off is important.....

I've found that it's ok for me not to worry and wonder for at least two days out of the week.  God knows when I wake up tomorrow - the problems will still be there.  Too much month and not enough money in the bank.  I do believe that God will get me through.  I believe that God does money!!  I'm going to keep my eyes open for the next few days.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll find a few dollars in an old coat?  Maybe there will be a check in the mailbox made out to me from someone who owes me money that I don't remember?  

Yesterday I took the whole day off!  It was fantastic!!  I slept till mid morning, around 10am!  I cleaned the house and did the laundry.  I watched television for a little while.  At 4:30 I started feeling like I just wanted to get out of the house.  I had an overwhelming urge to head over to the beach.  I didn't feel like going into Wildwood, so I went to the bay beach.  I started over in the Villas.  Before I knew it I had gone through the Villas, Del Haven, North Cape May, Townbank and I finally landed down by the Ferry.  I don't know the name of the little park there.  

This is EXACTLY what I needed yesterday!

I needed to sit back, relax, read a book, take a few deep breaths and watch the sunset.  I live in such a beautiful place.  I'm so grateful God reminded me to take advantage of where I live.  I hope I never forget who I am and where I've come from.  

The Waiting Part...

Waiting.... Waiting.... Waiting....

Good things come to those who wait.  Waiting is NOT my strong suit.  I want instant gratification!  I believe part of the lesson for me in this is enjoying the moment.  When I'm waiting for something - I'm obsessed with that thing.  I can lose an entire day because I'm focused waiting rather than the present moment.  Focusing on the thing I'm waiting for robs me of more than just the present moment and experiences.  Last night focusing on the future robbed me of sleep.  I was up most of the night tossing and turning and wondering.  "Are they going to call?  Are they going to offer me what I asked for?  Can I do the job? Will I start on Monday?  Talk about over thinking aka binge thinking!

No matter what I think or do, everything is going to work out exactly the way it's supposed to work out.  I have to hold onto that, because my sanity depends upon it.  Everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out.  I was talking to a friend the other day and she reminded me that everything happens in God's world on purpose.  She talked about how God wastes nothing.  She said, "Look at the stars, when God is done with them they burn up and nothing goes to waste."  

There's a sentence in that song I hope you dance that says, "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean."  I'm fortunate to live near the beach, I don't take advantage of it nearly as much as I should.  I find that standing by the ocean shows me where I am in the world.  I'm just a grain of sand on the beach of life.  I'm right where I'm supposed to be at all times.  The evidence that proves that statement to be correct is that's where I am.  I used to hate it when people would tell me that.  "You're right where you're supposed to be."  I'd think to myself, "How the heck do you know where I'm supposed to be right now in life?  God knows I should be so much further than I am!"  Now those words are comforting.  Who would have ever thought that could happen! 

So, here I wait.  While I wait I will live in the moment.  The moment truly is the only time we have on earth.  

Today is the Day!

On Thursday, September 20, 2012 I had my first interview in 9 years!  I remember interviewing for my previous employer.  I had just moved to the area.  I didn't know how to get to WaWa let alone Ocean City!  I left an hour early so I'd have plenty of time to get there.  I ended up getting there with 10 minutes to spare.  The funny thing is Ocean City was just 7 miles away from where I lived.  

The person who was supposed to interview me forgot that he had an appointment.  I ended up waiting about 30 mins for him to come back.  I don't remember a lot about that interview.  I just remember feeling nervous.  I remember feeling insecure.  I was desperate for employment.  Toward the end of the interview I was feeling like it wasn't going very well.  I didn't have any experience in real estate, I didn't know some of the computer programs he spoke of, I just knew I wasn't going to get the job.  I let my guard down and decided to just be me.  

He asked me to tell him one positive and one negative thing about myself.  My answer was, "I'm sarcastic and I have a great sense of humor - you get to decide which is which."  He laughed and said, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship."  He called a few hours later and offered me the job.  That was 8.5 years ago.  In my previous post you know that I left that job in May to start a new adventure in life.  The new adventure was to work for another office here in Cape May, NJ.  It was a big risk.  I left the company I had been with for the past 8 years.  I left a stable and secure job to come to a company that hadn't been open yet.  

Life is all about risks.  I believe if you don't take a risk once in a while, you're not living life.  I took the chance.  Now here I am just a few short months later, looking for a job.  This is not the outcome that I anticipated - but nonetheless it's the outcome.  I had my first interview last Thursday.  I was amazed to see how different I felt while I was there.  I went with an air of confidence I didn't know I possessed!  I told the interviewer so many positive attributes about myself, many of which I didn't know about until that moment.  I know that I am an asset to any company that hires me.  I have a lot of offer and I bring a lot to the table.  I never felt like this before.  I'm so grateful for all the lessons I've learned so far, because they have made me the person I am today.

Today I have a second interview scheduled at 4:30pm.  I don't know what's going to happen at that interview.  I need a new job because I can't make ends meet with the job I have now. I don't know what the future holds.  I do know that no matter what everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to work out.  God makes things possible.

The Road to a new life... Self-Discovery

Who am I?  What am I doing?  What am I supposed to do?  Who am I supposed to become?  What is my purpose in life?  Where did I come from?  Where am I going?  How will I get there?  These are questions that come up on a somewhat regular basis for me.  At least they've been coming up ever since my latest job search began.  

April of 2012 I was presented with an opportunity.  There comes  a point in life when you realize you've been too safe.  I've been safe and predictable for years. The opportunity was a risky one to say the least.  In August 2011 I bought a house.  I have the full financial responsibility of the house on my shoulders.  There is no one here to help me with finances.  I am 100% fully self-supporting.  The thought of leaving my stable and secure job was one of the most difficult choices I've ever made.

I looked at the pros and cons.  I weighed my options.  I thought about all the worse case scenarios.  Then I did it!  I took the leap in faith.  I gave my two weeks notice on May 10, 2012.  I went to work every day for the next two weeks.  I made myself available to do what needed to be done.  The next day I went on vacation!  Who would have thought that I'd ever leave the job and go on vacation? I traveled to Canada.  I stayed in Toronto for a few days.  I went on a few mini adventures in Canada.  I found my way through the city using public transportation.

I took a day trip down to Niagara Falls.  What an amazing experience that was!  I went on the Maid of the Midst.  I stood at the railing of that boat and was overwhelmed with awe.  I realized what a small part I play in this great big world.  Do you believe I took this picture?  The beautiful scenery of the Falls can make anyone feel like a National Geographic's Photographer.

When I finally made it back to New Jersey after a week long vacation in a foreign land I started my new job.  It was fun and exciting!  The office was buzzing with commotion.  The desks were still being built, the furniture needed to be assembled, the bathroom was still being installed.  I literally started out here on the "ground floor".  I got everything set up and ready to go.  It was pretty slow in the beginning.  A brand new real estate office opening in the heart of Cape May City in the beginning of the summer.  We had our first walk in clients 6 days after the doors opened.

It's been a stressful part of the journey to say the least.  I got the office up and running, the new agent trained, websites configured, programs installed and running, you name it, I've done it.  Last month (August) the boss told me that he wasn't sure what was going to happen with the office and the company.  He said it would be a good idea if I started to look for work elsewhere.  When you're in the situation I'm in a conversation like that will freak you out!

I looked for a job for a few days.  The boss came back to me told me to stop looking for a job, everything is going to work out everything will be fine.  That wasn't enough for me.  I needed something more.  What I learned in my three day job search was that there aren't a lot of jobs in Cape May County.  I decided that in order for me to stay and to feel a litle bit secure I would need him to pay for me to get my real estate license.  With a real estate license at least I would have something to fall back on if anything happened.  I'd be able to attempt to become a realtor or an assistant.  Whereas right now my only option is something in the administrative field.  

The boss and I talked about it and he agreed that that would be a good idea.  He asked that we wait until October since the fall is a busy time of year in real estate - he didn't want to loose me for two weeks during the busy time.  I don't know why I was surprised the second week in September when he changed his mind again.  Once again he said, it might be a good idea for me to find another job!  I was crushed and devastated.  Being single and not having anyone to reach out to or depend on is difficult in times of financial distress isn't easy.